3 Strategies for Managing Your Entitled Adult Child

Managing an entitled adult child can be a challenging and emotionally draining experience for parents. Whether it’s endless demands for financial support, special treatment, or a refusal to take responsibility for their actions, these situations can quickly turn into resentment and strain the entire family dynamic. But there is hope—by implementing clear boundaries, encouraging mutual respect, and teaching responsibility, you can take back control of your relationship and help your child grow into adulthood.

I highlight three proven strategies with my parent coaching clients for managing their entitled adult children, along with real-world examples that highlight these action tactics.

1. Set clear boundaries and stick to them

Setting firm boundaries is one of the most effective tools for dealing with an entitled adult child. Often, entitlement grows out of a lack of boundaries, where the parent repeatedly gives in to requests or excuses for bad behavior. By clearly defining what is acceptable and what is not, you protect your well-being and teach your child an invaluable lesson in respect.

Example: Catherine’s son Javier was 25 and still lived at home, although he was able to move out. He refused to contribute to the household chores, constantly asked for money and had no intention of finding a stable job. Catherine bent over backwards to accommodate Javier’s demands, feeling disrespected and emotionally drained. Finally he realized that enough was enough.

Catherine sat down with Javier and told him he had two months to find a job, pay the rent or move out. To her surprise, Javier initially attacked, accusing her of not caring about him. But Catherine stood her ground, calmly repeating her new boundaries. Within a month, Javier started working part-time and finally took more responsibility for his life. It wasn’t easy, but Catherine’s clear boundaries changed the dynamic.

The main takeaway here is consistency. I have spoken to many parents who have dropped the ball on consistency. These parents unwittingly reinforce to their adult children that persistence with demands pays off. When setting limits, it’s critical not to give in when your adult child pushes back. While this may cause friction at first, it fosters a healthier and more balanced relationship in the long run.

2. Encourage responsibility, not dependence

Many entitled adult children are not responsible, believing they are entitled to support without giving anything in return. Encouraging your child to take responsibility for their actions and decisions helps break the entitlement mentality. As I stress to my parent coaching clients, this doesn’t mean you stop supporting them altogether, but rather make sure your support fosters independence rather than dependence.

Example: Tony and Lana’s daughter Emma was 28 years old and constantly relied on them for financial salvation. Whether it was covering credit card bills, rent or other expenses, Emma never seemed to manage her money and always had an excuse why it was someone else’s fault. Tony and Lana realized that they had allowed Emma to make bad financial decisions by always bailing her out.

They decided to sit Emma down and explain that they would no longer cover her bills from now on. Instead, they offered to help her create a budget and referred her to a financial advisor to teach her better money habits. Initially resistant, Emma soon realized she needed to make better choices. Over time, Emma developed a healthier relationship with money and stopped expecting her parents to solve her problems.

Tony and Lana enabled Emma to learn valuable life skills by moving from enabling behavior to fostering accountability. While it may be uncomfortable to let your adult child experience the consequences of their actions, it helps them grow in the long run.

3. Model mutual respect and set consequences

Rights often thrive in an environment where respect is one-sided. If your adult child is disrespecting you or taking advantage of your kindness, you need to model the behavior you expect from them. This includes not tolerating rude or entitled behavior and setting consequences when boundaries are crossed.

Example: Patricia’s 30-year-old son Ethan constantly scolded her when she didn’t get his way. He expected her to drop everything whenever he needed help, and if she couldn’t, he would accuse her of being a bad mother. Patricia felt trapped in a toxic dynamic where her emotional needs were rejected. After attending a parenting workshop, she realized she needed to teach Ethan that respect is a two-way street. The next time Ethan lashed out, Patricia calmly told him she would no longer tolerate being spoken to that way and walked away from the conversation. She explained that until Ethan could talk to her respectfully, she couldn’t help him. It took time, but eventually Ethan began to treat Patricia more kindly, understanding that their relationship would only work if there was mutual respect.

Establishing consequences for disrespectful behavior is crucial in situations like Patricia’s. By modeling respect and imposing consequences, you create a space where your adult child learns that their actions have a real impact.

Conclusion

Managing an entitled adult child is undoubtedly a challenge, but by setting clear boundaries, encouraging accountability, and modeling mutual respect, you can create a healthier and more respectful family dynamic. These strategies take time and consistency, but they empower you and your child to build a relationship based on mutual respect, responsibility, and care. Remember, the goal is not to punish your child, but to guide him to maturity in a way that fosters independence and personal growth.

To find a therapist near you, visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory.